"Pay no mind what other voices say
They don’t care about you, like I do
Like I do
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils
See they don’t give a fuck about you
Like I do”
So today wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be. Granted, I was depressed from last night and slept till 1pm, BUT I didn’t purge last night.
I’ve decided that I’m going to truly try my hardest not to bp ALL week, that way I can tell my boyfriend on his birthday about my accomplishments. I think that be a good birthday gift?
I also made him this pillow from an old shirt I got at a garage sale months ago. He’s nerdy and when we first started dating he told me Batman was his fav of all the super heros. Gonna make him a Star Wars pillow too.
I finally texted him around 5pm today apologizing for our conversation about the “I love you” thing. I don’t want to force him or push him away and I really want him in my life. He didn’t have a good night either, which just showed me he really does care about me.
Told him I finished one of his bday gifts and he’s excited to see it. He invited me to dinner at Rotolo’s, which is a small pizzeria chain. Italian food is a big fear food of mine, but I agreed to go. I got a salad and even ate a few pieces of hummus and bread (not Italian, I know wtf).
I’m really hopeful about getting past this week bp free. That would be amazing for me and so beneficial for our relationship.
I really do love him and I need him to stay in my life.
Got shot down. He "wished" he could tell me he loved me back, but I guess, apparently, my ED has come between us. And because I have stated that I’ll probably NEVER get over this, that he just can’t love me.
Then why are you here? You’ve been here for 4 months, why stay any longer if MY issues affect you that much.
Nigga, leave. Fucking leave and stop dragging my heart thru the dirt. I told you from the get go, I have issues, and EVERYONE leaves because of it.
You should have left then.
P.S. - Fuck your birthday this coming weekend.
Had bubble tea with the boyfriend for lunch then went to see Dracula Untold. It was pretty good and they left room to pick up and possibly do a second one?
Got to visit with my mom on the way home and that hussy got sushi, made me want some. So we stopped at Rouses for sushi. It’s so much more convenient and cheaper to get it from there than a restaurant. Lazy night at home and work in the am.
All in all, today was a good day.